For you - Kimi ga tame
by Emerald-eclipse
Summary: He had been gone for too long. But a call from an old friend brings him back to Japan. Flashfic series in which Taichi tries hard to be a good friend and the clock is ticking. ArataxChihaya.
1. Winter - Call

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Chihayafuru.

Chapter 1 - Call

* * *

Taichi was a lousy friend.

He didn't visit. He rarely called. Sometimes he would send letters or write emails. He would make excuses that he had been busy; busy with a new project, busy with work, busy with life.

The truth was...he just didn't try hard enough.

But even when months - then years - passed since he had left Japan, he could always expect to receive birthday cards and New Year's wishes. They arrived in his mailbox every year without fail, and he would leave the letters unopened for days just to one day wake up and tear them open without any hesitation.

It hurt to read the letters. Their voices resounded in his mind and _hers _was always the loudest. He still laughed at their jokes and a smile would not leave his face for hours after, often prompting his girlfriend or co-workers to ask, "What's on your mind, Taichi?"

He would shrug but inevitably recall the poem by Taira no Kanemori.

"My fond, secret love".

* * *

He wrote back. He always did.

The birthday cards he liked to write at work during lunch breaks. He would sit next to a window and describe the view from the top floor of his office building.

New Year's wishes he wrote in his apartment. He would sit outside on the balcony and talk about the weather.

The cards were always sent out on time and on those few occasions he could pretend that everything was all right.

* * *

He hadn't talked with any of them in years.

But when one winter evening he answered the phone to hear his name repeated over and over and over again in a broken voice, he knew right away who it was.

By the end of the call he had already resolved to go back.

By the end of that day he had already bought a plane ticket.

By the end of the week he had turned in his resignation letter. Within the following seven days, two suitcases were neatly packed and set next to the door, the rest of his things were either given away or thrown out. His current girlfriend broke up with him, he said farewell to his friends and acquaintances. He closed his bank accounts and, lastly, returned the keys to his apartment - the place he had called home for the past seven years.

On the day he left, it snowed heavily. He worried that his flight might get cancelled.

The traffic was terrible but he still got to the airport on time.

Only at 40,000 feet above the ground and halfway across the continent did he realize he never looked back. Not even once.

He was surprised not to feel anything.

* * *

AN: Tadah! My newest story.

Even though I'm a big TaichixChihaya supporter (huge!), this is actually going to be a ChihayaxArata story in a flashfic format. There is a slight underlying plot but more emphasis will be put on character interaction and single instances in the lives of the Chihayafuru crowd. I started this story because of trouble writing Arata in my other fic "The way things are." Frankly, this didn't help at all, and now I have two stories to worry about. Haha. But I love Chihayafuru to bits so I don't mind.

The chapters will be kept quiet short. And yep, still working on my grammar. By the way, "The way things are" is my priority fic.

And pst, pst. If you haven't, go read "The Hundred and First" by Yuugiri.

Poem 40

_Though I would hide it,_

_In my face it still appears–_

_My fond, secret love._

_And now he questions me:_

_"Is something bothering you?"_

Taira no Kanemori


	2. Winter - Dissonance

Chapter 2 - Dissonance

The window in the hospital room was slightly open letting in the crisp winter air.

Arata sat on the bed propped up by many pillows. His smile, the one that made even Taichi's heart skip a beat – no kidding – was firmly fixed on his face. Still, Taichi couldn't help thinking there was something _off _about it today. Something _wrong_.

This whole situation must be a cosmic joke, Taichi reasoned, because Arata didn't look sick to him.

Yet, the plate outside the door clearly displayed the name "Wataya," signs that he's been staying in this room for a while obvious in the pile of books on the night stand, potted plant on the window sill, the Snowmaru blanket thrown over the bed railing and the Daddy Bear plushy in the chair in the corner.

"How long..." Taichi trailed off, unconsciously clenching his hand around the edge of his coat. _How long are they keeping you?_ _How long have you known?_ _Why didn't you tell me sooner?!_

Arata answered a different unspoken question.

"It's hard to say. Six months? Maybe a year?" His smiled had faded away and he looked at Taichi with weary eyes.

It took Taichi a brief moment to fully process what he had just heard and another second to comprehend what it meant.

_You mean how long do I have left?_

His eyes widened.

"Arata-"

The door behind Taichi slid open. Chihaya entered sending them a warm smile, before closing the door behind her.

"Sorry, Taichi. It took me a while before I found a vending machine that sold your drink. Here you go." He stiffly accepted it, his mind still on Arata's revelation. He turned the can in his hand. Vanilla coffee. He only drank black now.

Chihaya smoothed out the covers over Arata's legs and fluffed up the pillows. Arata looked at her with eyes full of adoration and love. His smile was back again and Taichi idly noted it wasn't so _off_ anymore but it wasn't quite _right_ either.

He felt an irrational urge to scream and cry and shake them by their shoulders.

_How can you act so normal?_

_How can you still smile?!_

Taichi watched as Chihaya gently brushed away the hair from Arata's forehead before kissing it lightly.

"I talked with the Doctors. They want to run a few more tests later this afternoon."

"No problem," Arata said giving Chihaya's hand a reassuring squeeze.

"And tomorrow too."

"Uhuh," he smiled up at her.

"Maybe...maybe they will be able to find something new," and Taichi didn't miss how Chihaya's voice broke for a brief second, nor did he miss how Arata's smile slipped for an instance and the one that returned was again _wrong_.

He realized that the sense of normalcy was all false and with that realization Taichi felt as if he couldn't breathe. His ears started ringing, the buzzing sound refusing to go away even when he shook his head a few time. The room suddenly felt too bright, too hot, too small, too cramped, too stuffy...

He needed to get out. He clawed at his neck trying to loosen the scarf around it.

"I..." he started and both of his friends – is he still allowed to call them that - turned to look at him. He cleared his throat, "I..." _I'm so sorry_, "I have to go. I'm supposed to meet up with my family." He cleared his throat again, "For lunch."

_Lies, lies, all lies._

The buzzing in his ears still refused to go away.

Chihaya nodded and smiled "You shouldn't make Mrs. Pressure wait," and they all shared a laugh, although to his ears it sounded too forced.

He opened the door turning around to send the couple a final look.

Chihaya was still the most beautiful girl he had ever known, but the confidence and energy from her youth was gone, and even though she stood tall she somehow looked much smaller to him.

And Arata was still handsome, his features having grown sharper and more defined over the years, but his skin was paler and the dark bags under his eyes were visible even from behind his glasses.

Taichi felt a lump forming in his throat.

He saw Arata wince, hand flying up to his head. In the blink of an eye, as Chihaya turned around to look at him, the flash of pain was gone and he was back to smiling serenely, hand now clenched firmly over his lap.

The ringing in Taichi's ears suddenly stopped and he could breathe again.

"I'll be back," he said loudly.

Arata looked at him. He nodded smiling,

"We'll be waiting"

* * *

A/N: minor edits. Thank you for the review!


	3. Interlude - Spring

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Chihayafuru.

Chapter 3 - Interlude: Spring

* * *

They got married in spring.

The forecast had been warning of an upcoming cold spell and heavy rains for days, but on the wedding day itself, not one cloud could be spotted in the whole sky. The sun shone brightly over the venue, bringing with it warmth and cheer.

Here he could say, the gods smiled down on the couple, and the perfect weather was their wedding gift to the young karuta god.

Or it could have been the combined power of a hundred _Teru teru bozu_ dolls Chihaya had hung up around her house, Arata's apartment, the bookstore Arata worked at, _and_ even Taichi's place.

Maybe it was just luck.

Taichi idly mused that if it had been his wedding, it would have rained no matter what, because luck was never on his side.

* * *

They stood in the waiting room, Komano quietly talking on his phone with a business partner, and Arata pacing nervously in front of the door. Nishida ran off earlier to check up on the catering – it was his business that was taking care of the food today. Tsukuba was nowhere in sight, already busy taking pictures. Arata's dad, growing nervous from looking at his son, decided to wait outside, Murao-san following soon after.

Taichi, finally fed up with Arata's constant pacing, grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Arata, breath."

His friend looked at him blankly, but after some coaxing, took a large calming breath.

"Come on, again." And they both took another deep breath.

"Better?" Taichi asked, letting go of Arata's shoulders.

Arata shook his head.

Taichi sighed, running a hand through his hair. "What are you so worried about?"

Arata stared at him for a long time before blurting out, "You…You're not secretly planning on stealing her away, are you?"

"Huh?!" was Taichi's eloquent answer. He stared incredulously at his friend, observing how Arata's ears slowly turned red.

Behind them Komano's phone suddenly snapped shut.

"I think it's time."

* * *

Contrary to Arata's unfound, but quite amusing fears, Taichi did not run off with the bride, Chihaya did not declare her undying love to Harada-sensei, nor, did she run away with Shinobu-san, while shouting she can't marry Arata until she defeats the former Queen in an official match.

In fact, everything couldn't have been more perfect. Both bride and groom made a speech. Arata talked about their meeting under the rain, and Chihaya talked about the first match they had in that old apartment, but mostly about the following years. And they both talked about the Hyakunin Isshu and karuta and friendship and _misty bridges_ and _red threads of fate_. Their words were full of sincerity and love and by the end of their speech there was not one person in the whole room with dry eyes.

Arata laughed more and laughed louder today. Chihaya positively glowed, looking so, _so beautiful_. And there was no doubt that they belonged with each other. Taichi's speech couldn't even begin to compare to theirs, but he wished them all the best from the bottom of his heart.

Towards the end of the reception, however, he still gave himself five minutes of pity party. He sat outside the hall nursing a glass of champagne.

Arata asked Chihaya out in the first year of university and they had been together ever since. Taichi knew right away he didn't stand a chance. And instead of feeling jealous and angry at his friend, he chose to give up on his own feelings. He was called out as a coward by those who knew the whole truth – some people, such as Oe-san, a bit nicer about it than others - but he truly believed it was for the best. He didn't regret his decision.

But weddings were the perfect time to wonder about what-ifs and what-could-have-beens while dredging up old regrets and memories. He felt a pang of sadness, but it was gone quickly once he recalled Chihaya's laugh today. She was so happy. And to him that was enough.

_Ima wa tada/ __Omoi taenan/ To bakari wo_

Poem sixty three suddenly popped into his mind. Taichi gulped down the rest of his drink. So maybe he needed three more minutes of time out.

"Mashima-sempai?" He looked up to see Hanano-san standing in front of him, drying her hands with a handkerchief.

"What are you doing here? Sitting all alone?"

He set his glass down on the floor, "It was getting a bit too loud in there. Harada-sensei and Kitano-sensei were gearing up for an impromptu team match between Shiranami and Suihoku Karuta Society."

Hanano-san bunched up her handkerchief, eyes lighting up with fire, "Then what are you waiting for?! We need to be there too!" He couldn't help laughing out loud at her reaction.

Hanano-san's attitude towards karuta had changed over the years. Along the way, she slowly fell in love with the sport, and in contrast to Chihaya and Oe-san who played in order to achieve their dreams, Hanano-san played because she simply loved competitive karuta.

He shook his head, "I don't want to be there when Chihaya is told she can't play in her dress."

Hanano-san grinned in answer, plopping down next to him. "She will figure something out."

They sat in a comfortable silence, Taichi fiddling with his phone. He had a missed call from his Mother, which was normal, and a missed call from his Father, which was less normal. He was thinking about calling them back when Hanano-san spoke up,

"Now that Chihaya-sempai is married, will you finally consider me, sempai?"

His eyes shot up looking at the girl next to him. She was staring straight ahead with a serious face, and he could only marvel at the nonchalant delivery of her question.

Hanano-san confessed to him on the day of his high school graduation. He turned her down, because at that time, the only girl he ever considered being with was Chihaya. To his surprise, she took his rejection very well, and somehow with that out of the way they became friends.

At first glance Hanano-san was a typical girl, the type of girl he tended to avoid like a plague back in middle school. But the more time he spent with her outside the club house the more he realized she was different. She reminded him of his sister, Rika. She looked at the world differently than the rest of them. Chihaya, Nishida and Tsukuba were often too focused on karuta, Komano too focused on his studies and data analysis. Oe-san could be considered the most balanced person, but she too could easily get lost in the past and the things that have gone by. He in turn often drifted around, not sure where he was heading, never committed enough to anything. But Hanano-san read the Hyakunin Isshu, and played karuta, yet never forgot to live in the present.

He was trying to come up with something to say without hurting her feelings, when Hanano-san hesitantly reached out to squeeze his hand. He glanced at her and she smiled at him.

He thought she looked very pretty today. Her hair fell in soft waves framing her face, and he recalled one of the conversations they had a few years ago. Hanano-san asked him to help her look for university entrance exam study materials and he agreed readily enough. She still made him wait in front of the station for half an hour before finally showing up, walking at a leisurely pace. He had been a little bit peeved.

"Mashima-sempai, you just don't get it do you? A girl has to take care of her looks and you have no idea how long it takes to have my hair curl just so!"

"Then leave it straight," he shot back. "It looks pretty that way too," and she looked startled at his outburst. Presumptuously, he thought she would change her hair style after hearing him say that.

The next time he saw her, however, her hair was still in curls.

"It's a perm, though. I don't have to do it on my own anymore," to which he could only roll his eyes.

He now grabbed a lock of her hair, tugging at it lightly, "How long did it take you to make it look like this?"

And maybe as a testament of their friendship, she only scrunched up her nose in concentration, before grinning at him widely, eyes squinting shut, "Too long to recall."

Chihaya suddenly burst through the door shouting, "Taichi, Sumire-chan! Get back in here. We're holding a Shiranami vs. Suihoku team match!"

Hanano-san smothered her laugh behind her hand. His lips twitched in amusement.

"Are you going to play?" he shouted from his seat, observing as Chihaya's lips wobbled precariously.

"Sis forbade me from playing in this dress."

Taichi stood up, extending a hand towards Hanano-san. She grabbed it without hesitation.

"Thank you, Sumire-chan."

She smiled at him sadly, letting go of his hand, before grabbing him by the arm, and dragging him forcefully towards the reception hall.

"We are so beating up some Suihoku butts today!"

* * *

**A/N: **I never really liked Sumire-chan as much as the other characters. Her behavior hit too close to home that watching her invoked a lot of cringe worthy memories. But, after Taichi, she is a character I most relate to. and it amazed me how she _understands _a lot of things. And after reading "The Hundred and First" I realized there was a lot to be explored in her character and interaction with Taichi.

Btw, this won't be a TaichixSumire fic.

ed. 10/12 major/minor(needless) edit depending on how I continue with this thread.

Poem 63

_Ima wa tada_  
_ Omoi taenan_  
_ To bakari wo_  
_ Hito-zute nara de_  
_ Iu yoshi mo gana_

Fujiwara no Michimasa

Mostow's translation

_Now, the only thing  
I wish for is a way to say  
to you directly  
—not through another—  
"I will think of you no longer!"  
_

But I actually prefer this translation more: "_After I determined to abandon my love, my only regret is that I have no way to tell you in person." _This poem has Taichi all over it.


	4. Winter - A promise

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Chihayafuru.

Chapter 4 - A promise

* * *

He met up with Chihaya on Sunday.

They took a walk around the hospital grounds, tentatively catching up on various things. He talked about his work in New York, Chihaya babbled on about upcoming karuta tournaments, both avoiding the painful topic of Arata's health.

Noticing a vending machine, Taichi stopped to rummage through his pockets, coming up with a few 100 Yen coins. A minute later he was holding onto two cans of coffee.

"Chihaya, catch," he said, throwing one of them in her direction. Chihaya yelped, quickly fumbling to catch it. "Taichi, you meanie!" she shouted at him, scrunching up her nose in annoyance.

He chuckled, sitting down on a nearby bench, Chihaya joining him seconds later, already sipping at her drink.

A particular chilly gust of wind left Taichi shivering in his coat. He tightened his grip around his still unopened can. Looking down at his cold hands, he tried to remember where he had left his gloves.

Chihaya shifted slightly beside him, blowing at her coffee, her breath appearing in puffs of white smoke. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun, a few strands having fallen out of it, were moving slightly in the wind. He smiled to himself noticing she was wearing the red scarf he and Arata chose for her a long time ago.

Something in his chest squeezed painfully, and he looked back down at his hands.

Thinking about Arata hurt.

Thinking about the future hurt.

He worried about Chihaya constantly.

He let out a sigh, thinking back to the previous two weeks. The first thing he did after dropping off his things at the hotel was to take a taxi to Tokyo General Hospital. The next few days were spent looking for an affordable place downtown and visiting Arata and Chihaya.

It took him a week before he contacted his parents. His mother was furious at him for suddenly quitting work in New York. His father, although more understanding about his reasons, still expressed disappointment at Taichi's brash move. Sitting at the kitchen table getting scolded by them, Taichi didn't feel like he was 32.

Rika had a good laugh at his expense, but afterwards she gave him a big hug, and was the first to welcome him back.

"Mother is just angry that you didn't come visit us first," she told him when they met up later for a drink.

He shook his head, finally popping open his can and taking a sip.

"I have to go back to school tomorrow," Chihaya spoke up.

He looked at her. Her brows were furrowed, and he frowned at the bags under her eyes.

"I've already taken two weeks off. I'm pretty sure the principal would let me take more, but…it's not fair towards my students. I have third years, you know? And they have their entrance exams this year. And it's only for so long I can ask Amano-sensei to substitute for me. And Aki-chan and Take-kun said they wanted to become A-class players before the Summer Tournament starts."

She set down her can on the bench. "I have classes the whole day. I can probably sneak out during lunch times for a bit, but I won't be able to leave until 5 pm, and on karuta days 7 or 8." Chihaya hid her face in her hands.

She looked exhausted and he wished he could do something for her. He hated seeing her like this.

Worst of all, he hated how calmly she took everything in. Chihaya had always been a person who wore her heart on her sleeve, cried when she was sad, laughed when she was happy, always, _always_ loud and alive. This subdued Chihaya, Chihaya that looked as if she had the whole weight of the world on her shoulders, he wasn't used to.

He hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder and when she looked up, eyes void of tears but filled with so much sadness, he knew what he could offer at the same time as she whispered to him,

"I don't want him to be alone."

He brought her closer, "I'll come stay with him. Every day."

She shot him a grateful smile. Slowly relaxing in his hold, Chihaya buried her face in his shoulder.

"Thank you, Taichi."


	5. Winter - Flowers

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Chihayafuru.

Chapter 5 - Flowers

* * *

Taichi snuck a peek at Arata.

His friend sat in a chair, gazing blankly out the window. In his hand was a deck of karuta cards, which he slowly shuffled one card at a time. His hand would sometimes stop to hover over a particular one. He would stare at it, silently mouthing the words of the poem, gently running his fingers over its surface.

Arata's moods alternated between cheerful and serene on better days, to melancholic and detached on worse. No matter what though, if Chihaya wasn't with them, it was hard to hold a proper conversation with him. But Taichi reckoned the fault for the awkward silences didn't lay solely on Arata.

He remembered the days when it was comfortable to sit together with not a word exchanged between them for hours - Arata reading his books, him engrossed in his crosswords and Chihaya listening intently to Hyakunin Isshu CDs.

He looked around the room, trying to distract himself from the onslaught of memories and the wave of nostalgia that was sure to follow. Thanks to Chihaya's efforts, Arata's room didn't look like a typical dreary hospital room. But Taichi thought it could always use more colors, thus he had been bringing the most colorful bouquets of flowers he could buy, replacing them whenever they started to wilt.

He now stood to the side trying to arrange said flowers in a vase.

"Did you…"

Taichi glanced over at Arata.

"Did you ever play karuta over there, Taichi?"

He turned back to the vase, jabbing a few white flowers between all the red ones.

"People have no interest in karuta over there, so no…not really."

"Hmm…" Arata hummed to himself. Taichi took a step back to evaluate his nonexistent flower arranging skills. He figured he had to be bad at something. For a good measure he took out the white flowers again and stabbed them between the orange ones.

Happy with the final result he took another peek at Arata. This time his friend caught him staring and grinned, eyes sliding towards the colorful flowers.

"Creep."

Taichi sighed.

"I'm not doing this for you."

"Yes, you are…" Arata went back to shuffling through the cards. A moment later he quietly added as an afterthought, his tone taking on an undeniably wistful quality, "We need to play a game together. The three of us."

Before Taichi could say anything, Arata lifted up a particular card. He read it out loud in a clear, practiced tone:

_Tachiwakare/ Inaba no yama no/ Mine ni ōru_

He looked expectantly at Taichi, but receiving no reaction, he shook his head - maybe in slight disappointment.

"It really is your poem, isn't Taichi?" Arata said setting the card down on his lap.

Taichi looked away, his eyes landing on the colorful flowers. He didn't have anything to say back.

* * *

**A/N**: In one of the manga extras Suetsugu-sensei included character profiles for Chihaya, Arata, and Taichi, which included things like birthdays, blood types, favorite food and favorite poems. Taichi's was Poem 16 (Tachiwakare).

_Even if I depart_  
_and go to Inaba Mountain,_  
_on whose peak grow_  
_pines, if I hear you pine for me,_  
_I will return straightaway to you._

Ariwara no Yukihira (Mostow's translation)

I thought it would be interesting for Arata to know that piece of information and to actually point out/acknowledge the parallel between the poem and the fact that Taichi returned after Chihaya had called him. I'm toying with the idea of including as many poems as I can in the following chapters. See my profile for more info.

And oh shucks, guys. Thank you for your kind words, follows and favorites.


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